My True Story #No87

"A message to my fellow Black Queens..." - JoJo

"As black women, we have the hardest time in this world over anyone else. Black women are the most taken for granted. We deal with humiliation about the color of our skin, the shape, and curve of our bodies, the naps in our hair and so much more. We deal with relationship drama and constant disrespect in our workplace.

With all this trouble, the negativity can really get to us and it can cause us to think we’re less than anyone else, that we’re not good enough. This begins a stream of what can seem like never-ending dark thoughts and it begins to feel normal and then you’re stuck.

How do I know? Once upon a time, that was me.

I was in a relationship with my ex-boyfriend for five years, there were good times and bad times. Just like normal couples, we started having issues and it became harder to work things out.

I had some insecurities because he was a man who knew tons of women from his life in his homeland and his life in the U.S. He was five years older than me so he always had more experience than me and made more money. I never cared about any of it because I loved him for who he was.

Once our problems progressed he became close friends with an old co-worker of mine and as they got closer I got more uncomfortable. She is a caucasian blonde, my age. Their friendship tore us apart and broke me down.

I sunk into a depression. I cried my eyes out every day wondering who would love an insecure black woman like me if he had her around when I was lacking.

I went to counseling, I tried to talk it out, but I only got more depressed, I began having anxiety and anger problems while I tried to be her friend for the sake of my relationship thinking if I didnt I would lose him altogether.

I felt so dark and low every day, seeing them flirt, seeing how they looked at each other. I felt broken for over a year, then when things were getting back on track he dumped me.

It felt like he chose her over me. I lost myself for five years giving him all of me and loving and supporting him with every fiber of my being. He was my everything. After our break up he quickly found himself in a new relationship with another Caucasian woman.

So what did I do? I had to remove him from my life completely. I gave myself time to mourn while I was still under his spell. I realized after he was still flirting with me months later that I was tired of it all. I was tired of feeling like a heartbroken girl.

That’s when I decided to completely revamp myself, I reconnected with good friends and made new ones. I gave myself a makeover and I started a journal. I started trying things that seemed interesting to me. I remembered I’m still young and I have so much to look forward to. I started wearing new clothes, I gave my natural hair some TLC and experimented with wigs and locs and other hairstyles.

It hit me how much I forgot to love myself for so long. I know it can be difficult to pull yourself out of the dark and think why should I even bother?

I say do it because you’re still here. You were put on this earth in this lifetime for a purpose. Your existence matters. You are a treasure. Think about things that give you passion or make you feel calm, centered and at pease. Whether its painting, music, dancing/singing, exercise, movies, etc. Anything that lights you up.

As black women, we’re born with a fire in our soul. We’re a powerful being full of beauty. Always remember, you are black girl magic. You are a flame that can’t be extinguished. Find one thing that brings you peace and joy at the same time. Mine is being in the sunlight. Sunlight gives you a boost within. Pick a song that makes you relaxed, happy or in a good more. Play the song and stand in the sun. This is the best thing I could've done. I chose the song Toast by Koffee.

Find solace in prayer and meditation. Find peace, connect with your soul. Remember, you are a Goddess. You are a Queen. You are radiant. You must find love and happiness within you. Embrace every inch of you inside and out. Embrace the fire in your spirit.

At the end of each day, all you have is yourself. No one is going to be there for you the way you will be for yourself. Put yourself on a pedestal and hold yourself to the highest regard. Adjust your crown and step forward into a new you. Step forward into tomorrow because the next day is never promised.

And ask yourself, are you living or existing? The rest is up to you Queen."

True story told by JoJo @thecolouredspirit

If you have been affected by JoJo's story, please visit our help page.

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