My True Story #No71

"...I took the self harm a step further by gradually cutting deeper & even writing the word ‘fat’ on my leg with a razor blade..." - Kait

"When I was 12 I started feeling really low & couldn’t understand why as the onset was very sudden and had no trigger.

I struggled to understand & express my feelings as I didn’t think that anyone else had ever been through something similar, which was due to the lack of mental health awareness taught in schools.

I then started self harming in the form of cutting when I was 13 and found a release from it. I was also verbally bullied from year 7-9 (ages 11-14), being called ‘the most useless human on earth’, ‘worthless’ & more, which also contributed to the self harm.

I began to change my eating habits to look what would be considered as ‘more desirable’ by society’s standards. I would starve myself for months at a time & ended up in a toxic cycle of severely underrating & then binge eating for months at a time.

This progressed & I took the self harm a step further by gradually cutting deeper & even writing the word ‘fat’ on my leg with a razor blade.

A few people saw some of the cuts when in situations such as in the p.e. changing rooms however due to embarrassment I always insisted that there was nothing there. I quickly became paranoid and also cuts on my legs would bleed through my socks during the day, even with plasters on.

The anxiety of someone querying the cuts again & the pressure I put on myself to keep them hidden resulted in frequent panic attacks.

My head of year contacted my parents & explained the situation in a very blunt manner. As a result I received a diagnosis of depression from my gp & counselling for 12 months however it only helped in the short term that I was receiving it.

Now at the age of 19, proudly training to be a mental health nurse, I can say that I still struggle now greatly with my mental health however my medication is finally working & I am grateful to say that I have a really great support system from my friends & family.

I no longer feel embarrassed or ashamed & have become much more open about my mental health since moving to uni just over 12 months ago.

I am also proud to say that despite being tempted, I have been clean from self harm for 2 years & a month!

True story told by Kait.

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