My True Story #No63
So I met this guy..." Except this isn't a catch up with the girls over coffee. This ruined me. - Hannah
"Things couldn't have gone better...at the beginning. He was older (10 years to be exact), more mature, less likely to play games. How wrong could I have been? As quickly as I fell for him I was being controlled by him. But I loved him.
He only ever wanted the best for me, right? "You look nice" to "You really don't suit that, maybe you should change and cover up a little bit?"
He convinced me I didn't look good because he didn't like me dressing a certain way. He convinced me my friends were jealous. I was too mature for them. I had more life experience and they were holding me back.
I was stupid in believing I was "so independent and smart and could have anyone I wanted" but I chose him and I kept choosing him. I was manipulated into thinking I was too good for him but also that I was "too much" for anyone else. He made me feel guilty for loving him but even worse for not loving him more.
After a year with someone who I thought did love me, I fell pregnant unexpectedly. I went through a terrible rollercoaster of depression, stress, the loss of a close family member as well as the feeling the man I wholeheartedly loved no longer loved me (if he ever did). I was 13 weeks pregnant and still scared I didn't know what to do. He convinced me this was a bad thing and it was never going to end well for us if I had this baby.
I woke up one day in agony and after begging him to please come help me, 3 hours later he appeared. I was rushed into hospital and told I was having a miscarriage and nothing could be done apart from some help to manage to pain (physical pain that is. Nothing for the mental pain). It broke my heart. The only good thing that happened to me for over a year was taken away from me.
And everything was in his favour all over again. He never seemed to care from day one. He rushed away to work the same day I was let out and after too many silly little arguments I accused him of the worst thing in the world ... cheating. More specifically cheating with his ex. After months of worry, it all came out and I was right. He wasn't just cheating on me, even while I was pregnant, even while I was at home begging him to help me because I was in crippling pain and scared, even while I was in the hospital having a miscarriage, none of that mattered. She was pregnant too! This was with a woman who I heard nothing but bad things about, he told me they weren't married until I found a receipt with her name ... Mrs. K XXX (his surname). But they had a child together and I accepted she was always going to be there regardless of how I felt about it. She was a "liar and the worst thing to ever happen to him" ... but that didn't stop him from running back to her. We stayed together. I don't know why either. I adored this man despite him showing how he couldn't care less about me. Things never got better. He vanished when I found out he had cheated. He changed his number, he blocked mine, he told me I was crazy and I believed it!
He knew how ill I became. I attempted suicide 3 times whilst we were together. He never wanted to be there. He said it was my fault.
I went to counselling, I was diagnosed as bipolar, I was on strong meds to calm me down as I couldn't rest. I was on edge constantly. I was so paranoid. I begged one person for so long to love me. I begged him to just stay in contact with me. He never broke up with me he just blocked and unblocked my number when it suited him.
It took me so long to get over this man, but I did it! I took control! It was my turn to decide how MY life went!
I blocked him. I deleted all things reminding me of him. I wasn't convinced how long that would last but for whatever reason, I woke up one day and it didn't hurt anymore. I didn't need him. He was out my head and I hated myself for allowing someone to do that to me.
I hated him for what he did to me! He destroyed everything I had. Every positive I had he changed that. When I took control back I felt like I didn't know where to start. I was lost. My life was with him for 2 years and I was a different person before I met him.
Now I was trying to figure out the basics all over again. As simple as shopping for clothes I LIKED! Going out with MY FRIENDS. Spending the money I WORKED for!
The photo is of me now. I'm now on a lower dosage of medication. I don't feel so nervous or worried. I actually really like who I am. I can do what I want, with who I want, when I want and I can wear what I want!
I have achieved so much in the past 6 months without him. I have rebuilt so much that I lost because of him. I will struggle to trust anyone after him but I've surprised myself so far and I'm excited to see what's next! I am happy!
True story told by Hannah @Hannahk126