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My True Story #No103

"I took hundreds of photos with only this one making the cut - every single other deleted forever because I hated how 'fat' my body looked and felt in a dress I knew nobody would ever see." - Alex


"I took this photo on a Saturday night alone in my bedroom. I'd just woken up from being asleep all day, made myself a black coffee, put makeup on my face, and threw a dress on over my pyjama vest top and shorts.


I posted this photo on Instagram around 7:30pm to a feed of photos of my past friends who were genuinely ready to leave for a night out - I wasn't.


This photo was taken just 3-years into my battle with anorexia.

I'd socially withdrawn and had no friends left - because I continued to ignore their messages and make excuses to miss meeting up years before.


I'd been asleep all day because I'd been up all night crying alongside my mum - who begged me to take care of myself.

I dragged myself downstairs at 6pm to make a black coffee because I had no energy to sit and put makeup on my face - but wouldn't allow the calories for a dash of semi-skimmed.


And I took hundreds of photos with only this one making the cut - every single other deleted forever because I hated how 'fat' my body looked and felt in a dress I knew nobody would ever see.

I captioned this photo with a emoji because what else could I say? That I was hoping and praying more than 10 people would like my post to verify that I was enough? That I was sitting under my duvet shaking of what people might be thinking of me? Or that the reason I was sitting down was because I was just too faint and dizzy to even stand up after 13 hours of sleep because I'd not eaten in 6 days?


At the time I'd wished I could have written 'Night out with @x,@y & @z ' as my caption. But it's 2020 now - and I thank my lucky '' that I'm still alive and here today...." - Alex



True story told by Alex @alexbradfit


If you have been affected by Alexs' story, please visit our help page.

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