“In my diary, there’s a page from ‘aige 7’ where I write, ‘I don’t know why I have a conscionch, but I do.’ Clearly I wasn’t insane - just terrible at spelling 😂” - Chloe
“When I was a little girl I imagined there was a little old
man in my head. A little like ‘Inside Out’ movie, I used to imagine this little man with white hair, no shirt and red shorts with white hearts lived in my skull. He turned giant cogs inside my brain.”
“He was my imaginary friend and I used to blame him for turning the cog the wrong way if I overreacted or embarrassed myself. I used to ask him what I should do about things and talk to him when I was lonely. In my diary, there’s a page from ‘aige 7’ where I write, ‘I don’t know why I have a conscionch, but I do.’ Clearly I wasn’t insane - just terrible at spelling 😂”
I know now this is what we call our internal dialogue. From an early age I recognised my internal dialogue was on FULL spin and the way to deal with it was to personify it. Yes that white haired man was me. Yes it was me who overreacted. But it was easier to blame it on ‘him’. He used to pacify me and make me feel comforted about the obstacles in life. It was like me vs him. I was mean to myself and he would comfort me. I can hear you all saying “WHAT!!??” 😂 according to Michael A Singers’ book ‘The Untethered Soul’ this internal dialogue exists within all of us. He calls it our ‘roommate’. Or as Steve Peters calls it, our ‘Chimp’.
Luckily my roomie was pretty nice to me, but some people aren’t so lucky. Some people have to live every minute not being pacified by their roomie but being tortured
If you’re honest with yourselves, you’ll all know what I’m talking about. You might have a different character in your mind or you might just be aware that you talk to yourself every now and again. The point is, had my white haired friend told me I was disgusting, I was fat, I was a loser, I was never going to be loved, I would have believed it. Instead, whenever I said those things, my roomie or chimp told me to STFU. And of course that was me also. Really, I’ve been lucky & always been my own friend. But next time you catch yourself feeling anxious, fearful or damn right bitchy, ask: what’s your roomie saying right now? Don’t believe everything you think. Sometimes your ‘roomie’ can just be a nobhead. 🧠🍆 - Chloe xx